Looking at the day by day grind, I’m partially happy and partially annoyed. Looking at my job, and what I do, I provide a service to students and faculty. To what end I wonder? for a simple pay check or for something more grand? hardly. What is starting to become clear, until my kids leave the house, I will be stuck in a grind, with minor distractions. I can’t say this is what I wanted to do, but its just the way things turned out. I can’t say I have any regrets.

I’m finding myself somehow caught between reality and fantasy, I wonder which side I will eventually fall to. Knowing very well that giving into reality, I’m likely to continue to succeed as I have been. If I were to given into fantasy, my life would doubtlessly fall apart to eventual ruin. Though right now finding a healthy balance is hard to maintain, If i do not maintain fantasy, I will also fall into ruin. There is really no winning.

A foreboding feeling sits upon my skin, and I cannot place it, what I do know… Is my actions will cause it to come to fruition, and either way may lead my life to ruin. I can only hope.